Thanh Thuy’s story, 12 years later

             

               In the year 2000, Thuy contributed to her brother’s wedding in her own very artistic way.
The wedding announcement, that everybody praised to be wonderful, was in fact her creation.
The topic was a luminous sunrise, the sun announced itself as a shimmering heart.

             

              This wedding was important to our family as it was the first in the family and more than that, in a way, it was for our first son a deserved reward for these ten years plus of brotherly devotion to Thuy.

              We recognize the depth of our sons’ sacrifice to their sister’s welfare, starting from the day she was born, as our whole family life and attention were exclusively centered around her, in order to compensate in part for her handicap that will never allow her to have a normal regular life that all other girls of her age experience.

              With that, her two brothers had to become self-reliant at a very tender age.
Knowing very early in age that they will have to watch over her permanently and forever, they acquired and developed a sense of responsibility, an aura of maturity that translated into a willful desire to achieve their best and an immense energy to succeed.
Consequently they were brilliant students, graduated high school with the highest honor, passed their French Baccalaureat exam magna cum laude, qualifying them for the most prestigious French and American universities.

               Their fortitude of filial piety, of brotherly love, paired with their natural compassion to others and especially a great solidarity, even osmosis, between themselves were a big reward for us, their parents, and helped us tremendously to cope with their sister’s deficiencies.

               Thus, we were so elated to witness our son’s happiness in successfully finding a spouse who will help him build a blissful family life filled with hope and bright plans. 

               For Thuy, this event proved to be a big challenge.
From then on, her big brother will be less available to her, his professional career required that his own family relocated first to New York and subsequently to London.
Thuy, who was used to have him around at least once a week, now got to see him only three or four times a year.

               She must have experienced a big deal of sadness, though of a very private and reserved nature, she did not reveal much of her feelings.

               As it happened to children with her condition, she had a need for strong connections to feel secure.
And for her, her whole family would consist of her parents and her two brothers.

               She then turned all her affection to her second brother, while remaining in touch with her eldest brother by phone calls and mails .
When her second brother happily started his own family, Thuy again had to overcome a new period of insecurity and instability.

               Since the age of 16 years old, Thuy has developed into a charming adolescent, witty, vivacious though delicate.
Her days were busily divided between attending a private academic school, classes of painting, swimming and piano lessons.

               She especially dedicated her passion to painting, creating beautiful pieces of art for her brothers and sisters in law at special occasions such as wedding, birthdays etc.,
An example of those was the painting of this tiger, which was also the oriental astrological sign of her second brother, executed during her sessions at the art gallery Arc En Ciel at the community of Antony.

          

               Growing up, like all adolescents, medically challenged or not, she experienced a strong desire of autonomy from her parents.

               We, on the other hand, at that time, were not aware of this development, having constantly envisioned her as a big child always in need of protection, and we were also persuaded that our love was all sufficient to her .
Our thoughts were no different than the thoughts of all other parents with medically challenged children.

               To top that, Thuy was raised with the strict Vietnamese moral and ethical values and she must have suffered from our all too invading solicitude without being able to say or act otherwise, least oppose it.

               So her attachment to her brothers, whom she considered being of her own generation,  became more insistent, along with a yearning for autonomy from her parents .
These rendered this period of our life frequently tense and required all of my tactful skills and wise approaches to succeed in making family reunions less challenging encounters for everybody.

               She started to grasp the psychological distance that separated her from people in her life and to experience feelings of loneliness and subsequently of rebellion of what she perceived as a kind of injustice toward her.
More so, due to her character and predicament that prevented her from being able to communicate in an adequate way, it was not infrequent that she was found at fault for instances not of her own doing.

               She especially became aware of her intellectual deficiencies as compared to her brothers.
It was not a feeling of jealousy towards her brothers, whom she admired, but a sort of incomprehension that she could not be equal to them intellectually .
It was not at all infrequent that when asked what kind of studies she had in the private school she attended,  she stated that they were math or physics, while in reality she was taught adaptive skills to the everyday life such as how to do errands, wash dishes or set the table.

               Often we recall, with a lot of emotions, the long sessions where she tried, by herself and with all her might, to solve simple mathematical addition problems.

               Her paintings were testimonies of her inner struggles.
They had their highs and lows, depending on her moods, whether she found life pleasant or filled with frustrations.
They were at times glittering with vivid and harmonious colors, from the vibrant blue to bright pink, and at other times shades of dull grey or black representing isolated houses with firmly closed doors and windows, or even strokes of black brush of great turbulences.
But they all were always very expressive.
Reflections of her state of mind at those moments, they were touching with their vivacity, the profusion of her feelings, and even their ingenuousness.

               Depending on the availability of her art teachers, Thuy alternated individual sessions at home with classes where she could attend with her peers at the gallery Arc En Ciel (Rainbow) in Antony, where her pride would show as being another regular student like the rest of them.

               Thanks to great luck, but also as a result of our extensive researches, she always had not only excellent but also very compassionate teachers.

               For many years we always kept her very busy.
Her days were filled to the brim with school and private tutoring.

               For long years, we took turn to provide Thuy with a life as fulfilling as possible, to compensate somewhat for her personal challenge.

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